That was Relieved

Dunno how to explain..but it really something that made me feel so calm...after been through so much...well...gud job for me...kinda...feel so high spirit n confident...that was totally wicked..!! after so much troubles...so cool n awesome....throwing away all the stress n tension...at the end...even not so ok...at least it really work out....

Will explain more details about this to my another blog....for those who knows....

Lastly

im totally heartless...now i dun even care wat happen to u after this...after wat u done to me...anything u want...anything..n i dun care..i dun mind...follow ur desire...

juz one more things i wanna say..if im 100% wanna be mean n cruel...i already become one...n not juz bad words i show or say....even bad things i will...yea...will done...but coz u being precious person in my life...i still considered...at least my words is softer n better than urs...at least i didnt say bad words to others that hurt that person badly...at least i didnt being mean or cruel like wat u did...at least i still care....at least im not breaking promised that i did to someone...at least when im madly angry i didnt put the blame or hurt someone....

u wan me to be heartless now...fine..i became one already...go ur way...from this day on...anything u want...! I DUN CARE...!! these past 5 years ar nothing to u...compare to flirty thing u said..wateva....! im a whore...bitch or watever...i dun care anymore...as long i know it not my fault...!! obviously can see who wrong...even u said im pretend to be innocent n wat so ever....~ i guess being ur fren those past year never realize u how my attitude is...instead u put me in worse position...fine...!!

It so clearly that the guy not love u...u may not know...but i know...u dunno wat i did to stop ur heart from hurt anymore..i know u already took ur couple game as real life matter...i tried many things to help u not to fall again for the same mistakes...yet u said im flirty..im so close to him..tried to steal away ur BF....didnt u see...he not ur real BF...realize it...im not being mean...but u may not know wat i know...which i cant tell u...i scare n dun dare to let u hurt more longer...i observed every single things u n him did...even u didnt tell me wat u both doing..i know wat happen...u did the same things again n again...u promised me yet u broke it...u said never fall for guys easily anymore...u will follow wat i say....u said u feel regret for trusting n wait for rob... but now...there u go again...it like...i tried my best to help n protect u for doin same thing again..but u never see wat i did n feel about u...for u...im ignore n trying to steal ur BF..it so hurt u didnt realize my true feelings....I can see it obviously this time...which u will not gonna make it for the guy...i tried so much...anything possible...if i can stop it from become more worse...im so disappointed everytime u called me bad things which i tried many things to help u before...u never know...it hurt...when u try to make the person believe n see wat u doin for them yet u get nothing....even being called bad things....

Now...if u wan me to feel wrong...n realize it my fault..anything u wan..u wan me to accept it rite...fine..i accept it...! at least i take it...n no bad words include....at least i not counter back....n lastly...only this part...sorry to say....at least im NOT...a JERK like u treat n insult her own fren that kind of way....yea i said bad word now...i learned it...from ur way...i realize being soft only make u misunderstood of me....guess being bad is more easy than being good...it hurt badly to be this way to prove u that I still luv u....yea...after wat u said n insult me deeply...i still luv u...i guess express this maybe cant change ur heart straight away...yet for me...i still preciously keep our memories n forever luv u for being my fren....no matter how much u hate me after this...i still luv u...

Hoping for Something that Impossible

Being treated badly...misunderstood n being said that u really a bad kind of person....it kinda hurt....for a best fren to said that to u....

She may not realize it...n may not know it...i put her first on all things....but she blind by her jealousy so badly...bcoz of her unfair life...i understand...i get it....n i do care about it...but how..n wat can i do to explain more to her...since the last time she broke my heart many times...I tried being beside her n care for her..try to love n protect her...I wan her to see...if her life so unfair..it ok..she still have me wif her...even i no help so much..i didnt give a happy things so much..cant cheer her so much...but i juz hope she see me..n wat i did to her..being wif her is enuff as long i know she still have me..but she never realize that...

She promised me..will be good later..will change..n never be fall toward softly n kind words from guys...after wat happen to her....yet...she still trapped by her own feeling...she so stubborn n put her angry first other than accepting wat people wan say to her...she said im lecture to her...she said my words is crap...n worthless..i juz talk nonsense...it hurt me deeply...but i still take it..coz i know she still sad n depressed..i understand..still..i be wif her...if she still wan me..we fight n argue a lot....but that first time for biggest fight we had...i warned her many times...dun trust n follow also fall easily for guys sweet mouth...not all guys is nice n kind...some ar lying n taking advantages to her...i can see it clearly..but not her....coz she in love..i know..when someone deeply in love...u dun even take the bad words other people say about ur partner...n then she mad at me...i accept that...still accept that...i understand....n still...i care for u...but then u cried n come to me..said u regret for not taking my advices...know wat i feel..i feel pity that u keep hurting urself...without realizing im there for u..yet u still believe the guy words...n even couple back without i know...u keep many secret from me...

U said all im saying is nonsense..which part?maybe u rite... i said out of topic...but i show u wat i feel...that i wan u to realize...all this time...i dun care if u hurt coz of them...yet u still have me..but wat u said...u juz put ur madness first instead of our frenship....u said i dun care for u...u dunno wat i did behind u..which i tried many things to make u happy n cheer up...i try to control everything...i dun wan u to be hurt more...but wat u did..keep blaming on me...

u found new guy....i tried to warn u again...but wat u did...u angry wif me being so close to him..i jzu being fren to him...like u dunno how my attitude is...i treat others equally...i maybe playing joke n so on...like u said im flirt wif him....n put all blame on me...like it so worse that all my fault...n said i disturb only guy that close to u...from this part i already see hatred in ur heart for me..not luv being fren for me...it not like i really mean it..u know i dun interested in luv thing..u still take it serious...when i sit beside him..u angry..i move away..i understand..but dun u see im hurt badly..everytime u push me away coz of guy? last time u did the same coz of guy...u push me away..u angry n yell at me..even saying bad things to me...u never did that before to me..dun u realize it hurt so much that u treated me that way...coz of guy...our frenship destroy...then u said..it ok..u n me still fren...do u know wat i feel that time...i the one shud said that....it pain inside...

I be patient for everything u did to me...scold me..treated me badly...angry wif me..i accept as long ur angryness cool down...as long u happy n cheer up...hurt me it ok...but i juz wan u to realize...dun blind by love...i maybe not in ur position..i dunno how u feel..i dunno how much scars n pains u been through..but wat i know..seeing u hurt badly..made me hurt too...when i think back..i met a sweet girl...before so strong n confident in herself..always wif me all the time..no guy interfere...frens..caring n loving..now all destroy straight away...blown away juz like that coz of ur jealousy n unsatisfy feeling...

Now u did again to me...n this time it really really n really hurt deeply that i dun even know wat to say....u said me a whore...dun u realize that word is so HURT...it like im a person who totally n freakingly suck...how bad the word is to me...n it like tearing all my soul away after u said that..u never even said bad things after the first big fight between u n me...then u did again...this time it really pissed me off...im so angry that u broke my heart badly...all about ur feeling..u didnt see mine...u didnt realize my scars that i got from patiently be beside u....all the blame n yell that i took from u...i kept it...n dun even dare to hurt u more...yet...u dun even wanna know my feeling...u made me really worthless now...pointless being ur fren that u dun appreciate me...u blind by every jealousy of urs...u put ur unfair life first n didnt see a little hope n happiness waiting beside u....which i always be there for u...yet u treatme that way...u dun even realize how badly this time u kill my heart...u dun even wanna hear my explanation..for u my explanation is excuses..lie...n fake...fine..anything u think..but seriously n honestly..u made me heartless this time...i tried to not interfere ur luv life anymore..n try to be good n better fren...yet...wat i get now...broken trust n broken heart....

U said like I put all blame on u...which part?tell me...u said I'm wrong...fine..for ur perception...i accept it again n again....i took the blame...but do u realize how hurt it is...u make like ur blame is my blame...u change everything to be more worse...i tried take the blame so i dun wan fight wif u more longer or break our frenship...yet...u did the same thing....fine im wrong..juz put the blame on me..as long that can satisfy u....i know when i said this u more angry...like u really the guilty one..im the innocent one...but for my side..i dun see i put all blame on u...i juz wan u to realize that all...if i really blame u..long time before i already fight n say bad things or totally did something horrible to u...but y didnt i?coz i still care...even a single worse things can break our frenship..i dun wan that....but yet...it still remain the same...im tired....tired waiting for u to come back like before...

I see that me as ur fren is juz a fren call fren....u dun appreciate n realize wat i did n y i be patient beside u all this time...if i can..i already totally ignore u from before...but y i didnt?even u know y...i dun even wan u to have scars anymore n try to bring happiness even a little...appreciate n try to understand ur wound....i luv u as my best fren...u stay wif me all this time...having sweet memories wif me till now.....miss ur joke..ur smile..n ur cheer....i know..if u read this..u will said..u not the same u anymore..u change coz ur unfair life....but..tell me..which life doesnt have up n down...which life always perfect.....any prove that no one even feel hurt in their life....?juz the different is how bad the hurt is....how bad situation u in....but doesnt mean u need to give up...i told u many times....all obstacles in ur life will change to ur happiness later if u patiently wait n be strong....

I cried...I stunned...I shocked...I hurt....I dun regret met n being fren wif u...i appreciate every single things we been through together...but..i disappointed in wat u did to me...words sometime can destroy everything....hope u understand wat i wanna tell u...i wan us to be like before...now i guess everything is impossible....since this heart feel like already been betrayed....so much deeply it cant be explain by words anymore...

U feel like losing everything in ur life...Now..in this moment...U already lost one of ur best fren that care n luv u so much....No matter how hard n worse it is...I still luv u as my fren through this years...thanks for everything...n may ur life be like wat u want....take care....