~Light change to Tears~

I dunno how to describe my feeling now..it like so hurt...upset...I dunno wat to do...

My heart so to my soul...feel so damn excited and happy...maybe all my life..maybe for this year...and maybe for now..and for next month...that I feel so happy...I appreciate that this year so much happiness came to my life...I went to MMU..I met new sweet and so nice frens...many good things came to me..even many hard times and challenges came to me..but at least I can face it wif confidently...even got many times I nearly wanna give up...but I really wanna say thanks to all who support me all this times..everytime I wanna give up...my family and frens come to my mind...I appreciate it so much..i really mean it..thankies...~

2 months ago...I got special news that shocked me...I feel so excited...feel like wanna shout all my might...that my fav band from korean wanna come to malaysia...i thought it was juz a gossip or not very sure yet...but then..few weeks ago...it really...REALLY come true..they really wanna come here...my heart was like...OMG...is there can be any fantastic and wonderful than this news to me? I already wait for so long..that I wish...maybe at least...at least and at least one time..I wan any of my fav bands come to malaysia...and it really come true..last month..i dunno the exact date for it..my fav band super junior came here but then I cant go..coz it so expensive...and i was too late..plus suju have so many fans....so i already missed that one...that I really dun wanna miss this one..coming on 19 june...next month..ohh please..my heart already burst out...even the ticket is expensive..I dun think it so expensive for international band..it is but not so much..it quiet okay..I tried all i have to save money...but not like I dun eat anythin to save money...im so excited..that I can buy the ticket...but then...I juz need to wait for my cousin...I really need someone to company me...it feel a bit dangerous to go alone...even need to be independent but this is new era...now many problems..incidents...happen...so I really need someone at least to company me..unfortunately..my cousin can come..juz dun have money to buy the ticket..if I...IF I...rich...i already buy ticket for him..IF I...but unluckily only me can buy the ticket..so..I dunno..if my cousin can go or not...

My heart broke into pieces..i feel like wanna cry..I cant force my cousin to go..i cant force his mom to give him money...I wanna say thank u so much to his mom coz already gave green light but not money..I know..I really cant force peoples...I feel so hurt that everyone made me feel like dun go to the concert...juz waste money...the money can buy foods..or buy sumthin more necessary for u...but then...I juz feel like wanna ask them question back...."IS IT WRONG FOR ME...IS IT WRONG FOR ME...FOR AT LEAST...AND AT LEAST..TO RECEIVE HAPPINESS...EVEN FOR LIL BIT...IN MY LIFE..AT LEAST...FOR NOW...CAN U GIMME CHANCE..AT LEAST...FOR ONCE...IN MY LIFE..THAT I CAN FEEL THE HAPPINESS...EVEN FOR LIL...IS IT THAT TERRIBLE TO GAIN A LIL BIT HAPPINESS THAT CAN MAKE U SMILE AT LEAST AFTER U FEEL THE PAIN..IS IT THAT HARD?!"

I dun mad and angry at peoples who said that to me...they really say wat the truth...i didnt blame them..wat they said is true..but I juz wan them understand...if...IF this is my chance to go to concert..I never been to any concerts before..and IF this is my chance to grow up..be mature and independent by go to concert with my frens or someone and not my family..and IF this is my chance to learn how to pay by myself the ticket fee..is it that horrible?...If this experiences that I can get..is it wrong for me?is it wrong?IF peoples have sumthin that they love..they wan..and important to them...can I ask U...U dun wanna try ur best to get it?to achieve it?All peoples have their own dreams..IF this is one of my dreams...is it wrong for me to achieve it?is it wrong?is it?