Normal day~

today in the morning..i went to english class..usually i dun have class on thursday neither friday...now always have class on friday....urghhhhhhhhhhh hate it... feel like my fun day been cut....ohh well still study so i cant hate it too much...sigh~

my flu n cough still not recover..hardly breath as usual...more worse today...in eng class.....i cant even concentrate on my study..my cough like crazy..n even more worse i didnt have water to make it calm...i forgot to bring some...arghhhhhhh..so embarassing inside the class...always cough....i went to bathroom one time...then wanna go again but gladly it was ok...so i didnt go...but still it sooooooooo embarassing... my fever even getting high a bit in class..maybe coz it morning n the air cond...that y...

well i planned to wash my clothes...so can have some to bring to my aunt house tomorrow..i sleep there tomorrow....eheheheeh....but now..im lazy...i slept this evening...coz of tired n cough also flu....wanna get rid of it..but still havent gone...damn....!! ohh well....i juz bring watever cloth then...aishhhhhhhhhh... feel so tired..tiring n exhausted..this illness getting more unbelievable....~
wish i will recover soon....

eqa enjoy ur day at home...n mun...eheheheh enjoy ur day too...hohoohoh....XD luv ya two....!!

"It seem like I still cant reach it yet...but sooner or later I will for sure..."

As for today

today really like normal day...so bored...juz the lil bit dif is coz of my sis taking her pmr result...she got 3A....my sense is wrong...sigh~ but my cousin got 8A...i was shocked a bit coz...all this time my cousin not so serious in study...but this time..im so proud of her...congrat for her n my sis...

well i went for lunch wif family...round2 a bit in kajang for like how many months i didnt step there...kajang is still like normal town..as usual..nothing change...

my flu n cough sill havent recover yet...grrrrrrrr...so annoying....urghhhhh...
tension...hardly breath....!!!

sleepy..sleepy...sleepy....~

"As time goes by...I still waiting patiently..."

~fever~

oh my...things getting hard now...first flu...then fever...later...well already later mean now....i got cough also...arghhhhhhhhhhh wat could be any worse....

i didnt go to class....so tired...this fever n flu killing me..hardly breath...my nose like stuck....made me exhausted....drink lot water also same...sigh...

well now im waiting for my sister pmr result...ohohohohoho...dunno wat will she get..but i sense she get either 4..5 or 6 As.....but the most i predict she got 5....i dunno...maybe im wrong..or maybe im rite...we will look forward to it..my sis so nervous now....hope she can pass through the day....!!all d best sis...!!

~Still missing some part of me..~

"Am I dumb or creating dumb ...."

question that I keep asking to myself all this time...I tried to forget but it keep hurting me...

I wanna be sumthin that i luv...but wat...i already got it long time ago...but now...i try to destroy it...I know im lazy....I know im a bit slow...I know things keep getting harder than it look...but y still I hesitate to step forward...y n y....??it pain...till i cant endure obstacles that come toward me now..

I remembered once before....I was around 8 years old...that the first time i get to know wat anime is....the first anime that i watched was sailoormon n after that dragonball...i keep continue watching as i luv it so much...till 10 years old i started to draw anime....even though it so ugly n not really good...at least i tried n had confident in myself...even failed...i keep forcing that i cant give up....i miss that moment so much...later on...i became more obsessed wif anime...i watched many other anime....in the same time...it give me hope to do wat i like...i keep on drawing anime till i went to high school....i still drawing..even wanna create my own comic....even i already created the storyline....im so happy....that i can make my own comic...but then...things came harder to me...as i try to draw it like trying to tear me down...but i never loose hope on do wat i like...that time i still not sure wat my ambition is....i wanna be kindergarten teacher...i wanna be doctor...i wanna be police....n also cartoonist....

Till my age reach 15 years old...that time i taking exam which is pmr...after that deciding which course i wanna take when i go to form 4 (16 years old)....i need to decide fast so i can sure wat i really want in my future...so...for long thinking....i decided to take art....as wat i wish for all this time...n luckily....when i went to form 4...my teacher already decided that i joined art class...my name already in the list...im so excited...i learned many new things about art...as i luv it...never even bored or tired of it...even im so lazy from before..still art never vanish from my heart....

unfortunately....when i wanna choose which college or university that i wanna take after my final exam in high school which is spm...while in the process of searching...i take advantages to learn piano n japanese language that i want d most also since before...i became more addicted to those classes...till half way..i stopped my japanese lang for some reason....n stop my piano lesson coz of i already got approved by MMU to study there....im happy i can learn art in MMU...coz that wat i want...but those past one year before i went to MMU...I seldom draw anime....it like i became more lazy as time goes by....but...still i have feeling to draw than nothin at all....better than now..

So hurt that this time....I hardly to move my hand on the paper....i remembered that last i drew complete anime was in january this year...that was veryyyyyyyyyyyy long time ago....as now already december...wanna go to another year....sigh~ that drawing also not 100% complete...still have like 15% more to go...till now i dun even willing to finish it...wat happen to me...am i forgot who i am once before...who i wanna be...n wat d most that i luv...wat the main thing of my future...n wat the most thing make me who i am now....i completely lost in dark...wishing for at least tiny light to bring me back....to make me wake up from this nonsense n sensitive feeling of mine....i wanna be me back who will never give up till the end....easily stand up when fail....sadly...if that juz can be fix n be true....i do draw...but most of it for my assignments...not from my heart....is that really wat i want all this time....i wish i can turn back that to that happy, exciting,spirit,confident n smiling memories of the time when i draw....plz bring me back my life...plz wake up n realize now kay...!! be urself...not the fake u....U is U...no one can change that..

"This hand waiting for the time where the light will dance together once again with tears watching from the hidden part...."

~Hurt~

long time again i didnt update blog...i use to write sumthin in here when i feel sad mostly...i wanna express all my feelings...even i know some i still cant let it out...

i dunno y...lately i feel so lonely...it hurt...i had many frens that make me enjoy the day...but

unfortunately...still sumthin missing inside me...i like a heartless person...sumtime i juz wanna be alone n drawing all d time...but now i cant even move my hand to draw...it so terrible...i scare i might hard to draw again like usual...it like i forgot who i am n wat i wanna be....it pain that i almost lost n forgot my ambition n my dreams....pathetic i cant even focus in sumthin that i luv anymore...

it more hurt when i tried to be exist in front of all...but at the end...i was d last n lower one...as usual...i miss myself the one before....i used to be stronger n confident kid...but when i started went to high school i became so weak..always get bullied by others...always be pushed away...when i nearly show my light side n begin to be in front of people eyes....but then dark side came to me...i always be the one who alone....i had frens in high school..i do luv them..care n really appreciate wat they did to me....starting from form 1...i became useless....im so weak...always get bullied...always be people tool to get wat they want....(plz dun be mad at me...juz for some people...not all...i didnt blame whoever that respect me..)

i feel like a coward..i cant even fight back...cant even say back wat i want...maybe coz i care so much...that i dun wan hurt them...but do they care for me if im hurt...? i juz wan them to understand...i have feeling so was they...if i respect n care for them y not they..i didnt ask to be luv or care as a princess...i juz wan to be understand sincerely....respect me for who i am...n see me as ur real fren....i know im not perfect....so do u....i have my weak part...n disadvantages...so to u.....i wish i juz can be somethin u can hold on...or a bit exist to u....it really hurt...

"People understand outside but not inside...People do forgive but they never forget..."