question that I keep asking to myself all this time...I tried to forget but it keep hurting me...
I wanna be sumthin that i luv...but wat...i already got it long time ago...but now...i try to destroy it...I know im lazy....I know im a bit slow...I know things keep getting harder than it look...but y still I hesitate to step forward...y n y....??it pain...till i cant endure obstacles that come toward me now..
I remembered once before....I was around 8 years old...that the first time i get to know wat anime is....the first anime that i watched was sailoormon n after that dragonball...i keep continue watching as i luv it so much...till 10 years old i started to draw anime....even though it so ugly n not really good...at least i tried n had confident in myself...even failed...i keep forcing that i cant give up....i miss that moment so much...later on...i became more obsessed wif anime...i watched many other anime....in the same time...it give me hope to do wat i like...i keep on drawing anime till i went to high school....i still drawing..even wanna create my own comic....even i already created the storyline....im so happy....that i can make my own comic...but then...things came harder to me...as i try to draw it like trying to tear me down...but i never loose hope on do wat i like...that time i still not sure wat my ambition is....i wanna be kindergarten teacher...i wanna be doctor...i wanna be police....n also cartoonist....
Till my age reach 15 years old...that time i taking exam which is pmr...after that deciding which course i wanna take when i go to form 4 (16 years old)....i need to decide fast so i can sure wat i really want in my future...so...for long thinking....i decided to take art....as wat i wish for all this time...n luckily....when i went to form 4...my teacher already decided that i joined art class...my name already in the list...im so excited...i learned many new things about art...as i luv it...never even bored or tired of it...even im so lazy from before..still art never vanish from my heart....
unfortunately....when i wanna choose which college or university that i wanna take after my final exam in high school which is spm...while in the process of searching...i take advantages to learn piano n japanese language that i want d most also since before...i became more addicted to those classes...till half way..i stopped my japanese lang for some reason....n stop my piano lesson coz of i already got approved by MMU to study there....im happy i can learn art in MMU...coz that wat i want...but those past one year before i went to MMU...I seldom draw anime....it like i became more lazy as time goes by....but...still i have feeling to draw than nothin at all....better than now..
So hurt that this time....I hardly to move my hand on the paper....i remembered that last i drew complete anime was in january this year...that was veryyyyyyyyyyyy long time ago....as now already december...wanna go to another year....sigh~ that drawing also not 100% complete...still have like 15% more to go...till now i dun even willing to finish it...wat happen to me...am i forgot who i am once before...who i wanna be...n wat d most that i luv...wat the main thing of my future...n wat the most thing make me who i am now....i completely lost in dark...wishing for at least tiny light to bring me back....to make me wake up from this nonsense n sensitive feeling of mine....i wanna be me back who will never give up till the end....easily stand up when fail....sadly...if that juz can be fix n be true....i do draw...but most of it for my assignments...not from my heart....is that really wat i want all this time....i wish i can turn back that to that happy, exciting,spirit,confident n smiling memories of the time when i draw....plz bring me back my life...plz wake up n realize now kay...!! be urself...not the fake u....U is U...no one can change that..
"This hand waiting for the time where the light will dance together once again with tears watching from the hidden part...."
No comments:
Post a Comment