~fever~

oh my...things getting hard now...first flu...then fever...later...well already later mean now....i got cough also...arghhhhhhhhhhh wat could be any worse....

i didnt go to class....so tired...this fever n flu killing me..hardly breath...my nose like stuck....made me exhausted....drink lot water also same...sigh...

well now im waiting for my sister pmr result...ohohohohoho...dunno wat will she get..but i sense she get either 4..5 or 6 As.....but the most i predict she got 5....i dunno...maybe im wrong..or maybe im rite...we will look forward to it..my sis so nervous now....hope she can pass through the day....!!all d best sis...!!

~Still missing some part of me..~

"Am I dumb or creating dumb ...."

question that I keep asking to myself all this time...I tried to forget but it keep hurting me...

I wanna be sumthin that i luv...but wat...i already got it long time ago...but now...i try to destroy it...I know im lazy....I know im a bit slow...I know things keep getting harder than it look...but y still I hesitate to step forward...y n y....??it pain...till i cant endure obstacles that come toward me now..

I remembered once before....I was around 8 years old...that the first time i get to know wat anime is....the first anime that i watched was sailoormon n after that dragonball...i keep continue watching as i luv it so much...till 10 years old i started to draw anime....even though it so ugly n not really good...at least i tried n had confident in myself...even failed...i keep forcing that i cant give up....i miss that moment so much...later on...i became more obsessed wif anime...i watched many other anime....in the same time...it give me hope to do wat i like...i keep on drawing anime till i went to high school....i still drawing..even wanna create my own comic....even i already created the storyline....im so happy....that i can make my own comic...but then...things came harder to me...as i try to draw it like trying to tear me down...but i never loose hope on do wat i like...that time i still not sure wat my ambition is....i wanna be kindergarten teacher...i wanna be doctor...i wanna be police....n also cartoonist....

Till my age reach 15 years old...that time i taking exam which is pmr...after that deciding which course i wanna take when i go to form 4 (16 years old)....i need to decide fast so i can sure wat i really want in my future...so...for long thinking....i decided to take art....as wat i wish for all this time...n luckily....when i went to form 4...my teacher already decided that i joined art class...my name already in the list...im so excited...i learned many new things about art...as i luv it...never even bored or tired of it...even im so lazy from before..still art never vanish from my heart....

unfortunately....when i wanna choose which college or university that i wanna take after my final exam in high school which is spm...while in the process of searching...i take advantages to learn piano n japanese language that i want d most also since before...i became more addicted to those classes...till half way..i stopped my japanese lang for some reason....n stop my piano lesson coz of i already got approved by MMU to study there....im happy i can learn art in MMU...coz that wat i want...but those past one year before i went to MMU...I seldom draw anime....it like i became more lazy as time goes by....but...still i have feeling to draw than nothin at all....better than now..

So hurt that this time....I hardly to move my hand on the paper....i remembered that last i drew complete anime was in january this year...that was veryyyyyyyyyyyy long time ago....as now already december...wanna go to another year....sigh~ that drawing also not 100% complete...still have like 15% more to go...till now i dun even willing to finish it...wat happen to me...am i forgot who i am once before...who i wanna be...n wat d most that i luv...wat the main thing of my future...n wat the most thing make me who i am now....i completely lost in dark...wishing for at least tiny light to bring me back....to make me wake up from this nonsense n sensitive feeling of mine....i wanna be me back who will never give up till the end....easily stand up when fail....sadly...if that juz can be fix n be true....i do draw...but most of it for my assignments...not from my heart....is that really wat i want all this time....i wish i can turn back that to that happy, exciting,spirit,confident n smiling memories of the time when i draw....plz bring me back my life...plz wake up n realize now kay...!! be urself...not the fake u....U is U...no one can change that..

"This hand waiting for the time where the light will dance together once again with tears watching from the hidden part...."

~Hurt~

long time again i didnt update blog...i use to write sumthin in here when i feel sad mostly...i wanna express all my feelings...even i know some i still cant let it out...

i dunno y...lately i feel so lonely...it hurt...i had many frens that make me enjoy the day...but

unfortunately...still sumthin missing inside me...i like a heartless person...sumtime i juz wanna be alone n drawing all d time...but now i cant even move my hand to draw...it so terrible...i scare i might hard to draw again like usual...it like i forgot who i am n wat i wanna be....it pain that i almost lost n forgot my ambition n my dreams....pathetic i cant even focus in sumthin that i luv anymore...

it more hurt when i tried to be exist in front of all...but at the end...i was d last n lower one...as usual...i miss myself the one before....i used to be stronger n confident kid...but when i started went to high school i became so weak..always get bullied by others...always be pushed away...when i nearly show my light side n begin to be in front of people eyes....but then dark side came to me...i always be the one who alone....i had frens in high school..i do luv them..care n really appreciate wat they did to me....starting from form 1...i became useless....im so weak...always get bullied...always be people tool to get wat they want....(plz dun be mad at me...juz for some people...not all...i didnt blame whoever that respect me..)

i feel like a coward..i cant even fight back...cant even say back wat i want...maybe coz i care so much...that i dun wan hurt them...but do they care for me if im hurt...? i juz wan them to understand...i have feeling so was they...if i respect n care for them y not they..i didnt ask to be luv or care as a princess...i juz wan to be understand sincerely....respect me for who i am...n see me as ur real fren....i know im not perfect....so do u....i have my weak part...n disadvantages...so to u.....i wish i juz can be somethin u can hold on...or a bit exist to u....it really hurt...

"People understand outside but not inside...People do forgive but they never forget..."

Long Long time...~

for long time..i didnt update my blog...actually...i dunno wat to write..coz im the type of person who a bit lazy to type sumthin long...sigh~

ohhh well...only wanna say that i cant wait to go to CF...Comic Fiesta this december...wait for me...XD

lazy to go to class tomorrow..but gladly only 2 hours and start at 11 am...ehehehhe...~

Ukiss concert (19 June 2010)

I feel so happy that I went to ukiss concert that day...I feel so lucky...how many obstacles came to me juz bcoz of this concert...but not even once I wanna give up...I dunno y...all this time..Im the type of person who like someone... I mean like artists or actor...band or watever...I juz like them only for short time...I still like them..but I not obsessed or addicted with them..same with Ukiss..that the only thing im so weird about...I was like crazy wanna go to the concert so much...no matter wat happen...challenges...that facing me...I still wanna go before the concert...I dunno wat so special about Ukiss that they is the FIRST concert and FIRST band that I gave my all for them...this is so unbelievable for me...but then...I feel really grateful and touched...after I went to that concert that day...they so cute and funny...they are frenly...tall and handsome...and of course my main point is KEVIN...maybe I went there coz of kevin..but still it so weird for me to like someone that much...urghhhhhhhhh....

At the concert...I choose vampire seat which is the lowest among others....well...Im not that rich to buy VIP seat...eventhough I want it so much...but still I love it....the concert was awesome...the preparation on the stage was so cool..Ukiss perform so amazing and fantastic...so many type of light...till it hurt my eyes....even the light so pretty...(>.<)...they dance very

well..full of spirit..the funniest thing is...they are happy and frenly ..especially for soohyun...so energetic and hyper up....urghhh from the concert started till ending...he never or not even one

time tired or relax...always noisy and playing...eli also the same...playing wif soohyun..they really

attract the fans...while dongho so quiet...ki bum and kiseop juz normal...alexander and kevin talk

much...coz...urmmm they can speak english well then...that y...ahahhaha...but they really cute.....

especially my kevin..nyahahahha...

Only one thing im not satisfied with...arghhhhhhhh the guards that guarding ukiss was sooooooooooooooooooooooooo *tut* *tut*...they was like...*tut*...so annoying and

disturbing...urghhhhh so ugly that they think they ar so handsome..!! hello...??!! wat so handsome about u if there UKISS...who was 10000000x MORE HANDSOME than them

*tut*....ohh plz..if their attitude so nice and kind I still can accept it..but they was like damn *tut*

pushing..pulling the fans hand...shoo the fans...and grab the fans hand so hard..and RUDE...i know it the rule..they must keep ukiss from being attack by fangirl....heyyy guards...wat about if u be the fangirls and I push U till u fall of the stage...will U...STILL..be smiling after that??!! a

r u that nut so damn *tut* didnt realize that the fans many of them was GIRLS...*tut* the

guards...so rude and dumb...gladly im still ok..coz u not pushing me..if u push me...100% u will be in ur hell...!! damn u guards...!! and im so not happy with the management...so like down..!! they so rush....i know ukiss tired but then...juz this time the fan wanna meet them...especially for the vampire..knight and ace seat..they cant get original signature..only got printed..but then...u

promised us that we can get album from them and can give gifts to them face to face on the

stage...now u was like so *tut* dang dang *tut* that u asked us to move fastly..and cant even

give the present in the stage...are u that *tut*...dun be ridiculous...if i have power..i already make u suffer from breaking promised...!! now how can the fans trust ur management ...u *tut*....have the fans crying so hard..even stalker them to give them the present that U...PROMISED...that

we can give it on stage...and u dun even give us shake hand wif them...!! i accept it they tired...but at least y cant give us shake hand wif one of the members that we love..even one at least we already satisfied with...*tut* u...urghhhh im so hate breaking promised...and u dun even settle the problems that happen...so messy on the stage...ur management s***!! that wat i wanna say all about u...Im not that cruel..so yell and mad at ur management like this..but then...u the one make us like this...poor us..we ar human too..wat if u in our place...imagine..ukiss come here

for the first time...and they so excited to meet their fan for the first time...!! y u stop them...!?

they even smile so happily on stage...talking..and interacting..and u stop them half

way..especially that damn *tut* emcee...stupid one...I so dun like him..at first time..I still accept him..now he so selfish and *tut*...!! hey emcee...u so "DIAO" de...!! se jing bing..!! yuckkk dun even handsome and so short..dun brag that u so cool la haiya...!!body not even nice like ukiss..such a SHOW OFF...!! damn U man..!!poor ukiss...i really hate only that things...!! they

dun even think...when again they will come to malaysia...ukiss promised they will come..but im not that DUMMY dunno how long they will come back...need to wait their next album not that short time...u *tut*...so y dun juz let the fans have nice day wif them...now not only terrible day for the fans..but horrible and s***!!!urghhh...and also wat if ukiss come and that time the fans cant come to their 2nd concert..I know u will say..."so wat!?We dun care..that ur problem cant

come..so u will miss the great day..." HOIII..listen here *tut*....if u the fans...and im the one

saying this to u...wat do u feel..ar u not human saying those thing...poor them la...!! they dun

even have chance..not all fans free and rich u *tut*...WT"_"!!! now...i will try to accept those past..but i will see ur next management...if u still make the same situation...sadly for u...maybe...not many fans will come..even though they come..must be they will do a bit revenge....fans not that weak..they stubborn..how many times u stop them..they still will follow

their fav band...stalker...!!

fuhhhhhhhhhhhhh...so happy can release all the tension and stress coz of that concert....!! lastly....im happy at least that I finally meet them after suffering so much and wasting so much money juz for them...KEVIN hwaiting...no mater wat...i will support u...!! all the best in

everything that u do..^0^

Here some pics at the concert...^0^ so happy...: -