Hurt?

wat u know about hurt?

some people say...only those who already experience it will understand deeply about hurt...but is it true?well majority is yes...can anyone say they not at all been effected by hurt feeling?not even for a little...?if have then that person is weird...impossible...

as we know..hurt is sumthin that we really dun wan it to be part of us...once u get hurt...the scars stick wif u....it hard to get rid of it...unless u had experience it a lot...u know how to endure n cover it....good for people that can be in that way..but most of people hard to be out of hurt...

do hurt effect u so much?

for me it is....i dunno about others....but i know almost all people will be effected....hurt always be relate wif love....kind of....many of it come from love life....maybe not for couple...maybe for frens n family...or even can also be animals....plants....

hurt coz of love...betrayal...greedy...evil influences...and of coz much more....not all people easy to speak out their hurt feeling....they hide it....and begin to get stronger...n at the end...the limit blow...then some of them will think about end of their life or...get mental effect...or be quarantine alone...dun wan other to disturb...or changing in attitude...

Sadly Change

I know everyone change day by day..time by time...as this life goes on...from baby to elder...life changing...attitude..characteristic...social...economy n so on...

I scare those day will come...but i know...i cant stop it from changing...i know it is good and some can be bad...i hate to admit it...i hate changing...i know for some reason change can be the best thing in my life...but who knows...it can be the worse thing ever...well i cant destroy the fact....

some people told me dun change urself...keep the way u are...as u move on to university life...juz be who u are...dun get influence by others...example....if i dun like shopping...dun easily get attract by others asking u to go shopping often....i know...it still change a bit....from dislike to like shopping...it is change a bit of me...i know...but i admit it that it also the best...it a good change...at least from shopping i know some of knowledge about things...beside i also learn to go out..not only stay at home...i need to interact wif people...be in the position of crowd...know how to be independent...know how to be adventuring...so... change is good in here...it not mean if i change one thing it will change all of me...

Unfortunately....i still hate a bit changing...it is hurt to see people that we love change slowly..as time goes by...we completely dunno them anymore...at all...one by one of them change in front of me...but i didnt say that i not change a bit...i do change...same as them...but still inside of me i keep the one I am before....i dun wanna change that...

it is pain..so sad if u can imagine....one person say...dun change...always keep in touch wif me...dun forget me...keep anything i gave to u closely n wif love...n when u find new fren...or new life...always remember me...when u have time...we can go out together...enjoy the day....

BUT....at the end... they say they hurt seeing something be replace of their gift to me...hate seeing me wif new things...but wat wif them?? they cant hide the truth...they also have new things in life...have new things to love...have new interest....so to me....

they say they hate n disappointed if i luv my new frens gift more than their gift to me....

BUT...will i ask them if they DUN luv the gift that their new frens gave to them??? can u 100% say u hate the gift that ur NEW fren gave to u??no rite...? RIGHT? as u know...deep inside me...watever gift that i get from my frens n family...for ur information...as u can know.... i still keep it till now...in my closet..or beside me as i sleep together...doesnt mean if i play more or carry my new frens gift always mean i hate ur gift or ignore or throw ur gift already....i KEEP it...coz i still LOVE it...as it from my FREN....that i CARE about...plz....as u said im always childish thinking...dun THIS seem immature to u now??who the one not yet mature now?

I luv my fren...i luv my family...i luv whoever love me sincerely....i keep everything that i luv in my heart...doesnt mean i didnt show it...i will ignore or push it away...i know im not perfect enuff to be perfect fren that can make perfect things to make u feel perfect...coz i am human that can never be perfect as in this world no one perfect....all people have weakness...disadvantages...

plz dun run from it....it is part of u....so i wan change to sumthing good...but i still be who i am... if u say im change...maybe a bit...as the surrounding effect me..but same to u....doenst this atmosphere change u?

STILL..i hate change since before...but...now...some changes is good to me....for some reasons..

"Does not mean I change one thing from me can change completely all of me..."

New Tears

again...and again...i didnt update blog so often...i only remember about blog when im in sad condition...as blog can make me release my feeling...i cant speak it out...so maybe type better...

im easily feel sad..or hurt...lately...im not like im used to be before...full of confident n spirit...now im obviously not myself anymore...im not me that i want before...i know this seem bored n crazy to anyone who read this coz i always repeat the same thing which always sad..hurt..pain...or wat wat....but we all have heart...at least i know that i can feel hurt...that i can be hurt...that i can hurt someone...that wat i think..all people deserve to speak wat in their heart...
maybe not physically maybe through this..not all people have that kind of courage...like me...i scare to let sumthin out to other people...it like...so burn inside..yet...still im so hard like stone to say...speechless...i want to..i do...really really want so much to tell people wat i feel now...or from before...but i cant...all this time i juz show it through my drawings...listening to music n playing piano...only my drawing n piano understand the deep within me.... maybe wif those i can be myself once...i know im drawing from my heart...that y i luv drawing...n the reason i wanna draw...and also wif piano..whenever i play...it follow wat my heart flow to...make my hand move freely as i be in the music...it calm n cheering....

different people..different way to release their feeling...but only one thing i know is...everyone want something to hear wat they wanna say or place to express it...as for people...they do understand outside but not inside...they comfort us...but they cant heal inside...only our own self desire...that wat people try to search....find something that can be understand inside...but wat? same to me...human never get satisfy wif sumthin...all our life...we always search n looking for sumthin we want..we never stop until we give up completely or die...that wat people will do when they find no other way to solve their problems...i do feel the same...but i dun even think about die...i juz think about give up everything...sometime i asked myself...if i cant do this y shud i be in this world...im so lucky to be in this world but im easily give up on sumthin....i tried from before to find sumthin that can wake me up from my dreams...help me to catch my dreams that i want...all this time i do wat i luv n wat i want..but not giving all of me...it like my body move it...but my soul flying somewhere...

I juz hope that maybe..or at least i can be myself...try to understand myself...have a great confident in myself...build something in myself different than before...let me once before out to take my place now...im tired...i really am...


"Even light always come to reach me..Yet still I'm the one will covered with tears.. Light dancing happily around me..But the one take control of me completely tears..."

Normal day~

today in the morning..i went to english class..usually i dun have class on thursday neither friday...now always have class on friday....urghhhhhhhhhhh hate it... feel like my fun day been cut....ohh well still study so i cant hate it too much...sigh~

my flu n cough still not recover..hardly breath as usual...more worse today...in eng class.....i cant even concentrate on my study..my cough like crazy..n even more worse i didnt have water to make it calm...i forgot to bring some...arghhhhhhh..so embarassing inside the class...always cough....i went to bathroom one time...then wanna go again but gladly it was ok...so i didnt go...but still it sooooooooo embarassing... my fever even getting high a bit in class..maybe coz it morning n the air cond...that y...

well i planned to wash my clothes...so can have some to bring to my aunt house tomorrow..i sleep there tomorrow....eheheheeh....but now..im lazy...i slept this evening...coz of tired n cough also flu....wanna get rid of it..but still havent gone...damn....!! ohh well....i juz bring watever cloth then...aishhhhhhhhhh... feel so tired..tiring n exhausted..this illness getting more unbelievable....~
wish i will recover soon....

eqa enjoy ur day at home...n mun...eheheheh enjoy ur day too...hohoohoh....XD luv ya two....!!

"It seem like I still cant reach it yet...but sooner or later I will for sure..."

As for today

today really like normal day...so bored...juz the lil bit dif is coz of my sis taking her pmr result...she got 3A....my sense is wrong...sigh~ but my cousin got 8A...i was shocked a bit coz...all this time my cousin not so serious in study...but this time..im so proud of her...congrat for her n my sis...

well i went for lunch wif family...round2 a bit in kajang for like how many months i didnt step there...kajang is still like normal town..as usual..nothing change...

my flu n cough sill havent recover yet...grrrrrrrr...so annoying....urghhhhh...
tension...hardly breath....!!!

sleepy..sleepy...sleepy....~

"As time goes by...I still waiting patiently..."