again...and again...i didnt update blog so often...i only remember about blog when im in sad condition...as blog can make me release my feeling...i cant speak it out...so maybe type better...
im easily feel sad..or hurt...lately...im not like im used to be before...full of confident n spirit...now im obviously not myself anymore...im not me that i want before...i know this seem bored n crazy to anyone who read this coz i always repeat the same thing which always sad..hurt..pain...or wat wat....but we all have heart...at least i know that i can feel hurt...that i can be hurt...that i can hurt someone...that wat i think..all people deserve to speak wat in their heart...
maybe not physically maybe through this..not all people have that kind of courage...like me...i scare to let sumthin out to other people...it like...so burn inside..yet...still im so hard like stone to say...speechless...i want to..i do...really really want so much to tell people wat i feel now...or from before...but i cant...all this time i juz show it through my drawings...listening to music n playing piano...only my drawing n piano understand the deep within me.... maybe wif those i can be myself once...i know im drawing from my heart...that y i luv drawing...n the reason i wanna draw...and also wif piano..whenever i play...it follow wat my heart flow to...make my hand move freely as i be in the music...it calm n cheering....
different people..different way to release their feeling...but only one thing i know is...everyone want something to hear wat they wanna say or place to express it...as for people...they do understand outside but not inside...they comfort us...but they cant heal inside...only our own self desire...that wat people try to search....find something that can be understand inside...but wat? same to me...human never get satisfy wif sumthin...all our life...we always search n looking for sumthin we want..we never stop until we give up completely or die...that wat people will do when they find no other way to solve their problems...i do feel the same...but i dun even think about die...i juz think about give up everything...sometime i asked myself...if i cant do this y shud i be in this world...im so lucky to be in this world but im easily give up on sumthin....i tried from before to find sumthin that can wake me up from my dreams...help me to catch my dreams that i want...all this time i do wat i luv n wat i want..but not giving all of me...it like my body move it...but my soul flying somewhere...
I juz hope that maybe..or at least i can be myself...try to understand myself...have a great confident in myself...build something in myself different than before...let me once before out to take my place now...im tired...i really am...
"Even light always come to reach me..Yet still I'm the one will covered with tears.. Light dancing happily around me..But the one take control of me completely tears..."
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